Meanwhile, at the Church of the Almighty Dollar

Posted this on youtube, taped using a rediculous southern accent.  If you read it to yourself, imagine it with a serious southern drawl…  That’s how it’s meant to be…

Greetings and salutations!  Welcome! 

To all my brother sheep and sister sheep here in attendance! 

It is so very nice to see so very many of you here tonight! 

We are gathered here, to worship at the altar of the almighty dollar. 

To kneel prostrate in the presence of its greatness. 

To feel the warmth and the light of its love.

For we know, the dollar is the greatest good.

It is the alpha and omega, our reason for being.

It provides for us when we are hungry, and when we are sick.

It holds us in its arms and we can feel its warmth.

The dollar provides us the motivation, for ALL our actions.

It keeps us sheltered, and safe from harm, and do many countless miracles the dollar hath created.

And we are gathered here today to celebrate you and your greatness, O Dollar.

We can feel you in our hearts, and we know that you are there for us whenever we need you.

And we pledge onto you O Dollar, our eternal love and undying devotion.

And we also pledge, O Dollar, our hatred of and tireless opposition to those who would destroy you.

O dollar, we know that your enemies are all around you.

Because we know O Dollar that you are beset on all sides by the likes of the Euro, the Yen, and the Renminbi.

And we promise O Dollar, that we will smite them and your glory will be raised in the highest.

O yes this we promise you O Dollar.  For there are those, O Dollar, who would claim that thou shant always remain the world’s reserve currency.

And there are those that claim, O Dollar, that thou is falling, or has fallen, or that you simply aren’t worth what you used to be worth.

O Dollar, we reject those claims, and we reject those who make them.

They do not know your glory as we do O Dollar, nor do they feel the love of your embrace.

For we know that you are the greatest good.

Such is our love for you O Dollar that we will always defend you, and clutch you tight, and hold you close to our hearts.

So we pledge, O Dollar, to smite those who would diminish your greatness.

We pledge to you our swords, our lives and our very souls O Dollar.

Such is our devotion to your great magnificence.

We shall hold you up, and let your glory shine.

For we have faith in you O Dollar.  We know that you will not abandon us.

You will always keep us safe.

And even as we walk through the valley in the shadow of death, you are always with us.

And we can always count on your love O Dollar, so it shall be that you can count on our undying and tireless devotion to extending and amplifying your eternal glory.

O Dollar, always remember that we love you even more than our own families.

As we know that without you, nothing would be possible.

Our parents and our children, and our husbands and wives, and all of our lives would not be possible without you O Dollar. 

So we promise, O Dollar, to always worship you above all else.

We promise to collect you and acquire you in the maximum amount, regardless of the consequences.

For you are the highest of the high, the greatest of the great, and the goodest of the good.

Your faithful sheep we remain,

And we pray in your name,

O Dollar,



About DavidJamesFrancis

I'm a philosopher, poet, musician... And I'm a gadfly. And an activist. And I fight for truth and against lies, for peace and against war, and for enlightenment and against ignorance. View all posts by DavidJamesFrancis

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